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by Gitanjali Poonia

Every since I accidentally learnt to masturbate, my life had changed. But it took me so many years to actually reach an orgasm. No one every talked about it among my friends. It was a subject we all just avoided. At first, I thought I was too young, and the matter was simply awkward. Time went by, I had one boyfriend after another, but none of them could help me reach an orgasm. At first I thought it was me. Maybe I didn’t know my body well enough, or maybe I was just doing something wrong.

One day, alone time experimenting in the showers helped me reach an orgasm. Since then, my showers always consisted of shower heads and great water pressure that would quickly help me
reach my O, a trick every woman eventually learns and appreciates for the rest of her life. So, now I knew that I could orgasm. But still, inducing it myself took so much time and effort that I always avoided it. I often found myself asking the same question:

“Does every woman orgasm in bed?”

I was shameless and quite desperate for answers at that point. I was no longer a curious adolescent, I was a curious woman! I started snooping around, asking my friends, boys, men, old people. What is the big secret? My friends would say that they always came. Men and boys said they always satisfied their women. And old people said I would eventually figure it out.

So I did.

One day, I was reading a series of feminist works when I came across Anne Koedt, (bless her soul), and her writing titled, “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm”. As I clutched onto the book tighter, and read on, I was honestly shocked.

She argued that vaginal orgasms were a myth, it’s the clitoris that’s sensitive region. A penis entering the vagina doesn’t have much to do with it. It is only when the clitoris is stimulated that a woman can orgasm. Astonishingly, a woman can feel arousal psychologically, as well as physiologically. Koedt argued that women don’t really need a penis to achieve an orgasm, therefore, they should stop feeling insufficient because their lovers cannot satisfy them. She went on to explain that the walls of the vagina don’t contain enough sensitivity, so much so that during a medical procedures, no anesthesia is required.

Why were all these women lying to me, then? Did they actually achieve vaginal orgasms? Or any orgasms at all?

For some, it is easier, for others it isn’t. But since we don’t talk about it, it remains a mystery. A lot of us doubt ourselves and wonder what is wrong with our bodies. 

Hun, you can orgasm as many times as him, you just need to figure out what works for you. That is true sexual liberation. You are free to march the streets without a shirt, protest, and fight for your rights. But you are also free to talk about your sexuality, openly, and understand the deep patriarchal suppression that lies in the bed room. Your body is different than a man’s.

The fact that you didn’t orgasm shouldn’t bring you guilt. So try toys, shower jets, hot tubs, new sex
positions, candles, but if you don’t try, you’re not going to find out. Find your O!


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